That fateful phone call in full

NakedShorts’ correspondent David S. Products has passed along the transcript of yesterday’s telephone conversation between Ken Bofa, and his regulator, Fred Reserve:

Fred: Hey Ken, wassup, apart from your investment banking write-offs?  It’s me again.

Bofa: Oh great, why do I think this is the last call I need?

Fred: It’s about CountrySlide. Had another sitdown with Mo’sella this week, you have to buy them. All his options are under water and the tanning salon’s getting uncomfortable with the receivables.

Ken: Do I have a choice?

Fred: No. I told you last time that you’d better get used to losing that $2 billion and another $2 billion as well, so it’s your Ken Griffin Day, you get to average down. Tell yer what, you’ve got 15 minutes to scoop up some calls before we leak this. I already squared it away with Chris Cox to make sure the gummy old dogs at the SEC don’t look too hard at the trades.

Ken: OK, got it. I’d still rather have Wamu.

Fred: You deaf? Just shaddup and clear the pad. We’ve got a helicopter warmed up and I haven’t decided whether to load it with gold bars to cover the poo you’re taking on, or Ace Proctologist and the examiners. If you catch my drift. What’s it gonna be?

Ken: Gotta go, set up the conference call for tomorrow morning.

Fred: Good man. Mo’s expecting your call, and I got Jamie D. on the other line. He’s circling Seattle as we speak, and bitching about his carbon credits. Enjoy. [Click].

Earlier on NakedShorts:
A very short act in one play
Aug. 23 2007